Monday, February 1, 2010

A day in the field....

A typical Monday

So my monday starts as usual...
alarm goes off at 5am.
I barely open my eyes just to hit snooze for that extra 15minutes, forcing myself to believe im getting an extra 15 minutes of sleep when in reality im just up waiting for the next 15 minutes to roll around, just so i can hit snooze again to finally jump out of bed at 5:30.
I stroll into the kitchen, bitching every step of the way of how tired and run down I feel, as if I didn't just get 8 hours of sleep, and start the coffee pot.
Then i start ironing, and while the iron heats up, I lay across my floor and stretch. This has become a ritual for me ( i have an ironing board that sits on the floor, I dont just drop to the ground and roll, and its carpeted).
Then in the shower I go.
Luckily I don't have any kid duties other than laying out Jacksons clothes because Jack takes Jackson to daycare and Sophia is with her dads on Mondays so I don't have lunches etc. to take care of.
So usually after getting completely ready, being on time is never enough for me, I have to push my luck every morning, and I always find myself caught up in some kind of household chore just as im supposed to be in my car and on my way to work.

So this leads me to start my Monday and usually every morning in a rush.

I walk into work, (doctors office) with my normal good mornings.
I turn on my computer, and before I can even sit in my chair my light is on (Que for having a patient up to bring back) and this is where the fun begins:

I'm a medical assistant, which includes, bringing back patients and preparing for the doctor to come in. Checking in a patient consists of :
blood pressure
going down their med list (lots of elderly patients making this a long process sometimes)
and of course going over the reason they are here today
Sounds pretty simple right?

Well here's how this really goes,
usually before a female patient gets on the scale, they prefer to take everything off... everything from their shoes/purse/belt/ sunglasses/ keys... they would take their hair off if they thought it weighed a pound.
More annoying is when they work the scale for me, and move it to the weight they think that they are. *Which is usually incorrect.
I usually ease their pain by saying "oh, don't worry, you look great. Our scales weigh heavy for some reason"
And the men are just as bad.

Then we go in the room, and I tell them to sit in the chair.
Usually we start going over medications.. and you gotta love the patients that take xanax and are in denial about it. Usually this type of person will say: "oh i haven't taken that in months, i just hang onto it for when I need it" while they say that i am usually starring at their chart where i see it was just filled yesterday and then filled again one month prior from them... but "its only occasional"
OK whatever, don't need to plead to me people, I'm just the assistant. Anyways, who doesn't need xanax these days?

So then it's blood pressure time, and usually i have to grab the patients arm and maneuver it to where I can put the cuff on and listen for the blood pressure.. simple right?
Well its not when you have a patient not cooperate, and they keep their arm glued to their side, cause they think you're trying to run off with their limb!

So now that that's done, we usually go over the reason they are here today.
Some people are honest....brutally honest

"my husbands been cheating on my with our Mexican maid, and now I have this sore on my vajayjay.."

"i have this strange discharge coming from my penis"

"I have this strange rash that started on my back, now it's all over my butt"

"there's blood in my poop"

"I know I said I was here for a blood pressure check, but I'm really addicted to pain pills and I'm an alcoholic and need some help"

the list goes on. Truly i am interested in some of these stories, and I can be chatty myself, so i tend to get way more information that I need to.

After my part is done, I leave the room and Doc goes in.. then i start my process all over again with the next patient.

It's pretty much a cycle, but then theres the patients that we do paps on.. and that can just be funky.. and I don't want to scare you off so i will stop there.

On top of all this patient care stuff.... I work in an office of 40 woman.....
How I keep my sanity is still a mystery.


  1. i always wondered how much detail to disclose before the doc comes in... vajayjay will always be a hysterical word!

  2. ha ha ha... keep it brief.. we usually don't want ALL of the details.. save that for the doctor.. lol...miss your face by the way :)